by Jennifer Good

You may be broken-hearted and crooning out latest versions of the feel-good girl anthems, but deep down you know there's a silver lining to this relationship ending. In fact if you dig a little deeper, you'll realize that all of your past relationships hold a secret key to finding your true perfect someone.

The road to love, like many things, is a path paved with good intentions. However, if you don't know where you're going or why you're trying to get there, you will probably end up somewhere you don't want to be. (Read: Crying your eyes out over a pint of Ben & Jerry's.) Sometimes a quick check in the rear view mirror can yield insights on what new destinations will be perfect for you. Below is a post-breakup checklist to help you do just that. Use it to aid you in figuring what you really want when it comes to your future relationships.

1. Go over the details of why your most recent relationship ended. Being honest with yourself, were there habits or patterns of behavior you could have changed that would have made a difference? If there were, write them down in a list of things you need to work on. Now focus on your past partner. Were there things they could have changed that would have made a difference? Write them down in a list under traits to avoid in a future partner or traits to have in a future partner.
   
   
2. List any other contributing factors that may have held your relationship hostage. These could range from money or family issues to school or work factors. These are important to note, because at certain points in your life you may not be equipped mentally to deal with these AND a relationship. It doesn't mean your relationship wasn't strong enough, just the emotionally maturity between the two of you wasn't high enough at that stage in your relationship to cope with the added pressures.
   
   
3. Make it a point to remember all the good times in your relationship -- even if it ended badly. This exercise is important because it helps you put your focus back to the positives of what you want in a new relationship. It also allows you to potentially bridge the gap from lovers to friends.
   
   

Now it's time to focus on ALL of your past relationships. Using the above questions, go through each previous relationship and fill in as many details as you can remember. Once you've finished that, simplify it with the additional list below.

1. Make a list of all the people you have dated or been in a relationship with.
   
   
2. Starting with your most recent relationship, write a list of all the traits, habits or things you disliked about each person.
   
   
3. Now, starting with your most recent relationship, write a list of all the traits, habits or things you liked about each person.
   
   
4. At this point, some type of pattern should be emerging that gives you a more detailed insight into your dream relationship.
   
   
5. From your "likes" list, put together an a description or scene of your ideal relationship and partner. You should have two descriptions, one for the relationship and one for your partner. Sometimes the two traits will blend, but there are still enough distinctions between the two to call for separate descriptions.
   
   
6. Combine your information from the above checklist with the lists you've compiled. Read over everything you've written and discovered. From here, you should feel more self-empowered about finding your future perfect mate. You have all the tools necessary to map out a road plan for love. Anytime you feel that something isn't right or that you aren't where you wanted to be, go back and look at your responses to these questions and see where you may have taken an unknown detour.

by Jennifer Good

You may be broken-hearted and crooning out latest versions of the feel-good girl anthems, but deep down you know there's a silver lining to this relationship ending. In fact if you dig a little deeper, you'll realize that all of your past relationships hold a secret key to finding your true perfect someone.

The road to love, like many things, is a path paved with good intentions. However, if you don't know where you're going or why you're trying to get there, you will probably end up somewhere you don't want to be. (Read: Crying your eyes out over a pint of Ben & Jerry's.) Sometimes a quick check in the rear view mirror can yield insights on what new destinations will be perfect for you. Below is a post-breakup checklist to help you do just that. Use it to aid you in figuring what you really want when it comes to your future relationships.

1. Go over the details of why your most recent relationship ended. Being honest with yourself, were there habits or patterns of behavior you could have changed that would have made a difference? If there were, write them down in a list of things you need to work on. Now focus on your past partner. Were there things they could have changed that would have made a difference? Write them down in a list under traits to avoid in a future partner or traits to have in a future partner.
   
   
2. List any other contributing factors that may have held your relationship hostage. These could range from money or family issues to school or work factors. These are important to note, because at certain points in your life you may not be equipped mentally to deal with these AND a relationship. It doesn't mean your relationship wasn't strong enough, just the emotionally maturity between the two of you wasn't high enough at that stage in your relationship to cope with the added pressures.
   
   
3. Make it a point to remember all the good times in your relationship -- even if it ended badly. This exercise is important because it helps you put your focus back to the positives of what you want in a new relationship. It also allows you to potentially bridge the gap from lovers to friends.
   
   

Now it's time to focus on ALL of your past relationships. Using the above questions, go through each previous relationship and fill in as many details as you can remember. Once you've finished that, simplify it with the additional list below.

1. Make a list of all the people you have dated or been in a relationship with.
   
   
2. Starting with your most recent relationship, write a list of all the traits, habits or things you disliked about each person.
   
   
3. Now, starting with your most recent relationship, write a list of all the traits, habits or things you liked about each person.
   
   
4. At this point, some type of pattern should be emerging that gives you a more detailed insight into your dream relationship.
   
   
5. From your "likes" list, put together an a description or scene of your ideal relationship and partner. You should have two descriptions, one for the relationship and one for your partner. Sometimes the two traits will blend, but there are still enough distinctions between the two to call for separate descriptions.
   
   
6. Combine your information from the above checklist with the lists you've compiled. Read over everything you've written and discovered. From here, you should feel more self-empowered about finding your future perfect mate. You have all the tools necessary to map out a road plan for love. Anytime you feel that something isn't right or that you aren't where you wanted to be, go back and look at your responses to these questions and see where you may have taken an unknown detour.