by Jennifer Good

You may be broken-hearted and crooning out latest versions of the feel-good girl anthems, but deep down you know there's a silver lining to this relationship ending. In fact if you dig a little deeper, you'll realize that all of your past relationships hold a secret key to finding your true perfect someone.

The road to love, like many things, is a path paved with good intentions. However, if you don't know where you're going or why you're trying to get there, you will probably end up somewhere you don't want to be. (Read: Crying your eyes out over a pint of Ben & Jerry's.) Sometimes a quick check in the rear view mirror can yield insights on what new destinations will be perfect for you. Below is a post-breakup checklist to help you do just that. Use it to aid you in figuring what you really want when it comes to your future relationships.

1. Go over the details of why your most recent relationship ended. Being honest with yourself, were there habits or patterns of behavior you could have changed that would have made a difference? If there were, write them down in a list of things you need to work on. Now focus on your past partner. Were there things they could have changed that would have made a difference? Write them down in a list under traits to avoid in a future partner or traits to have in a future partner.
   
   
2. List any other contributing factors that may have held your relationship hostage. These could range from money or family issues to school or work factors. These are important to note, because at certain points in your life you may not be equipped mentally to deal with these AND a relationship. It doesn't mean your relationship wasn't strong enough, just the emotionally maturity between the two of you wasn't high enough at that stage in your relationship to cope with the added pressures.
   
   
3. Make it a point to remember all the good times in your relationship -- even if it ended badly. This exercise is important because it helps you put your focus back to the positives of what you want in a new relationship. It also allows you to potentially bridge the gap from lovers to friends.
   
   

Now it's time to focus on ALL of your past relationships. Using the above questions, go through each previous relationship and fill in as many details as you can remember. Once you've finished that, simplify it with the additional list below.

1. Make a list of all the people you have dated or been in a relationship with.
   
   
2. Starting with your most recent relationship, write a list of all the traits, habits or things you disliked about each person.
   
   
3. Now, starting with your most recent relationship, write a list of all the traits, habits or things you liked about each person.
   
   
4. At this point, some type of pattern should be emerging that gives you a more detailed insight into your dream relationship.
   
   
5. From your "likes" list, put together an a description or scene of your ideal relationship and partner. You should have two descriptions, one for the relationship and one for your partner. Sometimes the two traits will blend, but there are still enough distinctions between the two to call for separate descriptions.
   
   
6. Combine your information from the above checklist with the lists you've compiled. Read over everything you've written and discovered. From here, you should feel more self-empowered about finding your future perfect mate. You have all the tools necessary to map out a road plan for love. Anytime you feel that something isn't right or that you aren't where you wanted to be, go back and look at your responses to these questions and see where you may have taken an unknown detour.

by Jennifer Good

You may be broken-hearted and crooning out latest versions of the feel-good girl anthems, but deep down you know there's a silver lining to this relationship ending. In fact if you dig a little deeper, you'll realize that all of your past relationships hold a secret key to finding your true perfect someone.

The road to love, like many things, is a path paved with good intentions. However, if you don't know where you're going or why you're trying to get there, you will probably end up somewhere you don't want to be. (Read: Crying your eyes out over a pint of Ben & Jerry's.) Sometimes a quick check in the rear view mirror can yield insights on what new destinations will be perfect for you. Below is a post-breakup checklist to help you do just that. Use it to aid you in figuring what you really want when it comes to your future relationships.

1. Go over the details of why your most recent relationship ended. Being honest with yourself, were there habits or patterns of behavior you could have changed that would have made a difference? If there were, write them down in a list of things you need to work on. Now focus on your past partner. Were there things they could have changed that would have made a difference? Write them down in a list under traits to avoid in a future partner or traits to have in a future partner.
   
   
2. List any other contributing factors that may have held your relationship hostage. These could range from money or family issues to school or work factors. These are important to note, because at certain points in your life you may not be equipped mentally to deal with these AND a relationship. It doesn't mean your relationship wasn't strong enough, just the emotionally maturity between the two of you wasn't high enough at that stage in your relationship to cope with the added pressures.
   
   
3. Make it a point to remember all the good times in your relationship -- even if it ended badly. This exercise is important because it helps you put your focus back to the positives of what you want in a new relationship. It also allows you to potentially bridge the gap from lovers to friends.
   
   

Now it's time to focus on ALL of your past relationships. Using the above questions, go through each previous relationship and fill in as many details as you can remember. Once you've finished that, simplify it with the additional list below.

1. Make a list of all the people you have dated or been in a relationship with.
   
   
2. Starting with your most recent relationship, write a list of all the traits, habits or things you disliked about each person.
   
   
3. Now, starting with your most recent relationship, write a list of all the traits, habits or things you liked about each person.
   
   
4. At this point, some type of pattern should be emerging that gives you a more detailed insight into your dream relationship.
   
   
5. From your "likes" list, put together an a description or scene of your ideal relationship and partner. You should have two descriptions, one for the relationship and one for your partner. Sometimes the two traits will blend, but there are still enough distinctions between the two to call for separate descriptions.
   
   
6. Combine your information from the above checklist with the lists you've compiled. Read over everything you've written and discovered. From here, you should feel more self-empowered about finding your future perfect mate. You have all the tools necessary to map out a road plan for love. Anytime you feel that something isn't right or that you aren't where you wanted to be, go back and look at your responses to these questions and see where you may have taken an unknown detour.

You just got out of a relationship, and you're not feeling too good about yourself. Well, this isn't the time to mope around and wallow in self-pity! It’s time to turn over a new leaf and rediscover your self-confidence. With our helpful tips and ideas, you’ll be back on your feet in no time. Don’t get overwhelmed by trying to fit all of our ideas into one day, but don’t be lazy about it either. Breaking up is hard to do, and regaining your confidence after being dumped requires some work on your part. Get on your feet and take one step at a time toward the new and improved you!
Make of List of Things You Love About Yourself
Make a list of 30 (or 31, one for each day of the month) things you love about yourself and post it on your bathroom mirror for a month. Each day, choose one of those things and repeat it to yourself as a positive affirmation throughout the day. Make yourself sticky notes and post them in your car, at your desk, in your wallet, on the fridge, whatever it takes to make you think positive thoughts about yourself. Even if you feel silly doing it, give it a try for a few days so you can see the effects of positive affirmations for yourself.

Exercise
It may be the last thing you feel like doing, but it’s an unarguable fact that exercise releases endorphins in your body that make you happy! If that isn’t enough for you, imagine the glee you will feel walking around with a bangin’ new bod! There’s nothing quite like that feeling you get when you look in the dressing room mirror and feel like a million bucks. You will sleep better at night, reduce the level of cortisol (the female stress hormone), and increase blood flow to your brain – and you're going to need all the brain power you can get to kick start your recovery.

Learn Something New
Try something you have always wanted to do. You will feel energized and excited, two things that aren’t easy to achieve when you are heartbroken. It could be taking a writing class, going bungie jumping, or attending a cake decorating workshop, whatever floats your boat.

Lean on Your Girlfriends
That’s what they are there for. Even if you lost touch during the relationship you had with your ex, which can sometimes happen with unhealthy relationships. Don’t isolate yourself. Let your friends know that you are hurting. Let them drag you out on the town as much as they want. Let them be there for you. If you want someone to spend the night so you don’t cry yourself to sleep or call your ex, then reach out and ask your friends.

Take Care of Yourself
Eat healthy food in between the junk food binging, drink lots of water even if you'd rather have vodka, and rehydrate your swollen eyes with damp chamomile tea bags before looking in the mirror. Pamper yourself with a day at the spa or get a really good massage. Take bubble baths, stretch before you go to bed, give yourself a deep conditioning treatment, and get into a really good book.

Journal
Breaking up is one of the best times to start journaling. That way, when you have a lapse of judgment during a crying fit and can’t remember why you split, you have your own words to remind you. The other advantage is that putting your thoughts down on paper actually allows you to “teach” yourself the lessons to be learned from this experience. Don’t get hung up on what you could’ve done or what you wish you would’ve done differently. Stick to the positives. What have you gained from this relationship and the break-up that you didn’t have before? How have you grown as a person? What relationship skills do you have now that you will be able to use in future relationships?

Do Something Productive with Your Agony
Repaint your apartment, or take out a wall if you want to. Plant a garden, start a “single again” blog, or pick some other project that is sure to get your creative juices flowing and keep you busy.

Make a Getting Over Him Playlist and Listen to it Every Day
Here’s a list to get you started:

Apologize by One Republic and Timbaland
Cares by Travis Tritt
I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace
Down to My Last Teardrop by Tanya Tucker
I Didn’t Know My Own Strength by Lorrie Morgan
Through With You by Maroon 5
One Way Ticket by LeAnn Rimes
Better Things to Do by Terri Clark
Big Mistake by Natalie Imbruglia
Party Down by Julie Reeves
RESPECT by Aretha Franklin
I Will Love Again by Lara Favian
Shake it Off by Mariah Carey
Let It Rain by Keri Noble
Over You by Daughtry
Big Girls Don’t Cry by Fergie
I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor

Buy Something New
Buy a great outfit that you feel totally sexy in and wear it out. Trade in your car for something really hot if you can afford it. Get a new pet! There’s nothing like a puppy to occupy your time and affection.

Have Physical Contact
One of the things you are sure to miss the most is the physical contact. It’s normal and natural to crave it, so don’t try and cut off the desire, just fill it up another way. Bring your kids or your pets onto the couch to cuddle with you. Call your sibling or your mom over to snuggle with. It may sound silly, but getting a massage can help. Scientists agree that skin to skin contact is very healthy and helps people to feel safe, secure and centered.

Bask in the Sunshine
If at all possible, you should find yourself a great spot to soak up the sun. The vitamin D will help combat any signs of depression. In addition to the health benefits, there is something very nurturing to a woman’s soul about sunbathing. Maybe it’s the gossip magazines and the scent of coconut tanning oil, but whatever it is, it’s good for a broken heart.

Laugh A Lot
It is true that laughter is the best medicine, so surround yourself with witty, entertaining people, watch funny movies, read an Ellen DeGeneres book, or get a comedy CD to listen to while you do things around the house.

Hang Out with Some Guy Friends
Don’t go swearing off men just because one of them broke your heart. Men make good friends, and they are very good at making a woman feel beautiful and sexy, even if you have no interest in each other beyond friendship. They give a good balance to your support network, so keep them around.

Make Yourself an Online Profile
You probably shouldn’t start dating right away, but it’s a fun thing to do anyway. You’ll have to talk about yourself, which is a good way to get in touch with your real self again. You’ll get the attention of other guys, which is a good boost to the ego, and you’ll have something to do when you have trouble sleeping.

What not to do:
Get drunk and call you ex.
Think you can be best friends right after you break up.
Think you can still be “friends” with benefits.
Stalk your ex.